A kiss isn’t just a kiss. Kissing someone you haven’t known for more than a few hours is mostly about the physical feeling of their tongue rubbing against yours and about how well this stranger now knows you in a way that your friends don’t. Kissing someone that likes you more than you like them feels guilty, as if you are both doing it because you want to at the time, except you haven’t pictured it over and over again like they have, on the inside of their eyelids before going to sleep at night, hoping to make dreams out of it. And last but not least, kissing someone you are madly in love with feels like trying to extinguish a forest fire inside of your chest with a small glass of water. Their tongue is a gun in your mouth, forcing you to stand still and obey as their cigarette fingers slowly burn holes in your body, leaving you addicted.
i think some people leave holes in your life when they’re not in it that much anymore and maybe that’s what we’re doing most of the time without really thinking about it, trying to fill those holes out with whoever we meet that looks like they could fit the shape of them! my favourite way of seeing someone i used to know in someone new is when they don’t look like each other at all and i have to think a little harder to figure out what it is that they both do or have. sometimes it happens to be the things you described and sometimes it can’t be described at all?
some people are like that intoxicating glass of cold white wine on a hot summer’s day through which the world looks like it rotated itself upside down 180 degrees and you can see it all too clearly long before (or mostly even without) putting your lips anywhere near it
In general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual’s life energy. Humans connect with humans. Hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting.
i think there are girls who feel too clever in school and girls who feel too stupid in school. i think there are girls who have continuous daydreams about a random brown eyed boy looking into their eyes and wrapping their long hair around all ten fingers to keep them close saying if i can’t have you i don’t want to have anything at all and then there are girls who get kicks out of having at least three flirts going at a time with boys they know they’ll never fall in love with, there are girls who want their first time to be with someone special and girls who think they’ll feel lighter if they give themselves away again and again to whoever seems decent enough to spend a night with, girls who think “of course he wants me” when he pulls her closer trying to find somewhere to place his mouth and girls who think “why” when they look in the mirror, there are girls who have been made fun of for not being loud enough and girls that have been told to chill out and shut up, girls who want to be surrounded by people who love them and girls who want everybody to forget about them so they can run far away and start over without feeling guilty and heavy at all, girls who like to get high or drunk or both and girls who like to stay home and read or write or watch netflix or sleep for twenty something weekends in a row, girls who don’t mind dirty messy hair and three day old smudgey eyeliner and girls who like cute little dresses and expensive perfumes and girls who want to forget make up ever existed and go live on the savannah with lions or in a misty creepy forest somewhere in japan and be a tree instead of a person and i think all these girls are always the same girl, they’re almost always put together in one body and maybe that’s what girls are, maybe that’s why we sometimes feel like we’re exploding with everything that we’re made of and maybe that’s why it’s hard to explain what kind of girl any girl isbecause she isn’t
wow you think? that’s so nice of you :D thanks! i’d love to write a book, i think it’s one of the things i’d love to do the most but i don’t know what i should make it about or maybe i have too many ideas and it gets confusing cause they’re all a little dumb i think. and above all i’ll admit i’m kind of a quitter. because i don’t always believe in myself i guess (but i think everybody finds that difficult sometimes) but anyway! i’ll stop rambling now haha. thank you! <3